Turkey, Theft and Puppy Tails

25 Nov

Oh, No!  The very worst happened.  Ricky’s monitor died when he was all geared up for a day off work and over a half-day of playing World of Warcraft.  He threw on his sweats, grabbed a cup of coffee and an energy drink and then, first thing on Thanksgiving morning, turned on his computer…black screen…kaput.  We checked store hours for Fry’s Electronics and Best Buy and discovered they were closed, as their people are more interested in turkey, stuffing and the inevitable pumpkin pie and green bean casserole than dragon-slaying and the decapitation of various orcs and trolls.

Quick-thinker that he is, Rick recalled that he actually works for the I.T. division of a major airline!  He sped down to the office, snagged a monitor off one of the technician’s desks, flashed his badge to security and said, “I’m stealing this monitor for 24 hour, Jim.”  Jim said, “Okay, Rick!”  (Attaboy, Jim…)  He vowed to stay up til midnight and go to the Black Friday sale with the horde at Fry’s Electronics to purchase a spiffy new monitor and return the stolen goods to the I.T. department before the victimized tech got to work.  He popped in the hot monitor and proceeded to happily slay and raid.

Luly came over and did a wonderful job cleaning our house with her daughter Stephanie, and side-stepped any further rubber dog poop pranks from Rick.  As soon as she finished, we fed our two cats and both English Mastiffs, the HoneyBagder-Nala and the My-Micah-Happy-Birthday-CGC puppy.  We dashed out the door, bearing mums and poinsettias to stuff our faces at our dear friends’, the Slanskys (the finest people on the planet).  What a beautiful dinner they served!  We were joined with all our favorite Slanskyettes, their progeny and five dogs (residents and guests), one of which peed on my new black sneaker within the first hour.  Since it was a Chihuahua and the most it could produce was an eighth of a millimeter (i.e. half a drop), pretty much no-harm-no-foul, although its owner seemed to feel that was the best thing that happened since man went over Niagara Falls in a barrel.  (Oh, ha ha…)  I poured a glass of red and carb-loaded rather than driving all the way home to retrieve our mastiff puppy who would surely pee on her (and her little dog, too)…and eat them both, understanding fully that “karma happens”.  Stories by the fire in the Slansky’s back yard following dinner, where I miraculously managed to avoid setting myself on fire and replaced the scent of dog pee with wood smoke.

We didn’t make it home until well after dark.  As we walked in the door, scouting for the inevitable
mastiff-puppy demo work, the first thing noted was the standard black rubber office trash bin had somehow made it through the doggie door and was relocated into the back yard in several pieces.

Trashcan Puppy

As Rick picked up the remains of the standard-issue black office trash bin, a police helicopter swooped and circled directly above our home with a spotlight.  (We’re talking just above power lines, here…)  My first thought was, “Monitor theft!” and the second was, “Trash can assault.”  An officer called out with a megaphone from above, “This is the Phoenix police!  We have a K-9 unit and officers surrounding you, and if you do NOT surrender, you will get bit!”  (I so wanted to correct his grammar…”BitTEN, Officer!  Bit-TEN!”)  Even though we had our two mastiffs assisting the DogFather in the back yard clean-up, I had visions of a German Shepherd sailing over our back gate and tackling my husband in error.  Thankfully, he came inside without too much coaxing.  We watched the helicopter hover over a home a street or two north of us and then finally lift and sail away.  Another successful arrest by the Mountain View Precinct and their K-9 unit!  (Clap-clap!)  I donned my flannels, ear plugs and went to bed, leaving Rick to the slaying his dragons and orcs on World of Warcraft (WoW).

I awoke at seven with the DogFather and Micah still snoring softly beside me.  Oh, no!  Did he make it to Fry’s?  Is the technician’s monitor still here in our house?  Ruh-roh, Rastro!  Making as much “accidental noise” as possible, feeding dogs, opening and closing doors, slapping a K-cup into the coffeemaker and feeding cats, Rick’s feet hit the ground before 7:30…still enough time to get the monitor back in place at the airline before the tech arrived.  Then off he sped to battle the Black Friday masses at Fry’s Electronics for a replacement.  (Good luck with that.)  I stood in the doorway with the HoneyBadger and My-Micah-Happy-Birthday-CGC-Black-Friday-Puppy and waved.

As I later learned, he didn’t have the VERY best of luck with the return of the “borrowed” monitor.  He got it back through security, tip-toed into the technicians’ offices <picture Daffy Duck on tip-toe here…> and…woopsie… the techies were already there.  CURSES!  Mark, the victim techie had his back turned as Rick stealthily crept behind him to his desk. (Sloooowly he crept…step-by-step, inch-by-inch…)  Suddenly Mark spoke in a low, controlled but firm tone…”Don’t.  Even.  Think.  About.  It.”  Rick’s chin went to his chest and shoulders slumped…guilty…busted.  Mark turned to him and said, “One question.  Was this WoW-related?”  Rick responded, head low, “Field test!  It was…uh-uh-uh a FIELD test…uh…well…yeah.”  With a voice I could only relate to as coming from the Lord on High, Mark said, “Thought so.  Just.  Put.  It.  Back. And. Clean. That.  Mess.”  Rick put.  Rick cleaned.  Rick apologized.  Rick left.  He just returned with a sparkling new 23” Viewsonic monitor and is under his desk where the dust bunnies live.  All is right with the world.

I need a new trash bin and my monitor just went out.

Happy Holidays!


Posted by on November 25, 2011 in Muddy Pawz


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4 responses to “Turkey, Theft and Puppy Tails

  1. Teresa

    November 25, 2011 at 11:31 am

    LOVE IT! If it makes you feel any better, mine had a plastic end table that I keep on the patio completely dismantled and most of the plastic parts into quarter inch squares! Of course, my demolition team is a bit larger than yours. LOL!

    • monsterdogz

      November 25, 2011 at 12:42 pm

      Yeah…he’s just a baby. Bentley ate a hammock. There were several fireplace logs also strung around the back yard. Life with mastiffs is always an adventure!

  2. Terry Palladino

    November 26, 2011 at 3:08 pm

    I have had only toilet paper ALL over the house. And, also, poops on the rug many times. nEVER caught in the act….a little sneaky mastiff.

    Great writing….you made my day. Oh, we have dust bunnies, too.:-)

  3. Teresa

    November 26, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    LOL!! Boys and their toys!! 🙂

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