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Banana Nut Bricks

The following is a copy of the e-mail I sent to my husband this morning after the smoke cleared…

Ya know…I’ve always made really great banana nut bread.  Remember?  You even photographed some, Hunnie, and put the pictures on the internet to show your friends.  You were so proud.

I don’t know what happened to the last two that made them go all “heavy masonry” on me this past weekend, and I felt bad about that.  Banana Nut Bread Failure.  I took some solace in your blaming it on the odd double yolk in the egg. It was so very kind of you to suggest that it might make great biscotti for our coffee.

So this morning after you left, looking all spiffy in your white starched shirt…off to deal with the monkeys in the pickle factory, I was so grateful to you and for you.  (There goes my husband…bringing home the bacon and the bones.)  I decided I would (by God) make you some awesome, photo-ready banana nut bread that you SO deserved.

I thought, “ What a great way to start the day with warm golden loaves baking and our two beautiful English Mastiffs at my side and Christmas carolers on the stereo.  Now what did I do differently the last time from my usual?”  Well, originally, Olivia (my mentor) taught me that I could throw all the ingredients into the Cuisinart and make much less work and mess and be finished in half the time.  Last weekend, I used an old fashioned mixing bowl and a blender.

Determined to do it RIGHT this time, I pulled out the Cuisinart, put all the dry ingredients in, using a different can of baking powder and a different kind of salt, measuring very carefully.  I mixed the dry ingredients, and remembered I didn’t have enough nuts.  I dashed to Fresh and Easy and got a bag of pecans.  Came home, tossed in the oil, milk and bananas and as I was putting in the last banana, the milk started leaking out the bottom of the Cuisinart, onto the counter and spilling down the cabinets onto the floor.  Not a problem.  Mastiffs are the BEST at kitchen clean-up!  We call it “Hoovering” here at Casa de Muddy Pawz.  Micah lapped it off the counter and my elbow while Nala took floor, shoe and cabinet duty.  Yeah…”Out of the kitchen!” failed again and I was frantically trying to clean up the milk with approximately 300 pounds of mastiffs shoving me this way and that.  I thought, “Quick!  Throw the lid on the Cuisinart and blend it in!”  It worked!  The leaking stopped, but now I had no idea how much milk was left in the batter.  So I just put “some more” milk in, slapped the lid on and very quickly mixed until it looked like banana bread batter should…I hoped…if I remembered correctly.

I mopped up the dog spit from the counter, floor, cabinets, shoes, and poured the batter into the greased pans.  I stuck my finger in the batter for the mandatory taste test.  Hmmmm.  Banana mud.  I had left out the sugar.  <slap>  I scraped and poured the batter back out of the pans into the leaky Cuisinart, threw in a cup of sugar and hit “blend”.  (Micah likes that sound.  A lot.  He wants to INSPECT that sound, and besides…the machine smells like bananas and milk.)  I threatened Micah with the antique whip hanging on the wall as I ran to the bathroom to wash banana batter from my hands, sweatpants and hoodie.  Back to the kitchen.  Puppy looking like I actually USED the whip on him.  Nothing worse than dog guilt.  I put the batter back in the pans, not giving a rats ass whether I needed to re-grease them.  NUTS!  I forgot the frikkin’ NUTS!  Batter back into the Cuisinart.  Whir-whirrr-sniff-sniff-sniff.  Back into the %$@* pans, slopping batter everywhere, screaming, “I don’t CARE anymore!” and threw them in the oven…dripping.  Nala reentered the kitchen and helped Micah Hoover up any new drippings.  I threw everything in the sink, perfunctorily inspected the Cuisinart, wiped it down and collapsed in a chair.

I just pulled the loaves out of the oven.  They are golden.  The tops split beautifully.  They weigh less than 14 pounds each.  I avoided electrocution, Urgent Care, dog murder and burning myself. Banana Nut Brick

Ya know what?  I’m okay with that.

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Posted by on November 30, 2011 in and other things..., It's a Brand New Day

 

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A Muddy Pawz Christmas Carol

On the first day of Christmas, my true love said to me…”Honey, please decorate the tree.”

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to meeee… 20 cans of cat food and Honey, please decorate the tree.

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to meeee…30 pounds of kibble, 20 cans of cat food and Honey, please decorate the tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to meee…one mortgage payment, 30 pounds of kibble, 20 cans of cat food and Honey, please decorate the tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…2 Mastiffs pooping, one mortgage payment, 30 pounds of kibble, 20 cans of cat food and Honey, please decorate the tree.

On the 6th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…2 cats a-mewing, 2 Mastiffs pooping, one mortgage payment, 30 pounds of kibble, 20 cans of cat food and Honey, please decorate the tree.

On the 7th day of Christmas, my true love gave to meee…3 days o’ raining, 2 cats a-mewing, 2 Mastiffs pooping, one mortgage payment, 30 pounds of kibble, 20 cans of cat food and Honey, please decorate the tree.

On the 8th day of Christmas, my true love gave to meeee…8 muddy paw prints, 3 days o’ raining, 2 cats a-mewing, 2 Mastiffs pooping, one mortgage payment, 30 pounds of kibble, 20 cans of cat food and Honey, please decorate the tree

On the 9th day of Christmas, my true love gave to meeee…9 Windows updates, 8 muddy paw prints, 3 days o’ raining, 2 cats a-mewing, 2 Mastiffs pooping, one mortgage payment, 30 pounds of kibble, 20 cans of cat food and Honey, please decorate the tree.

On the 10th day of Christmas, my true love gave to meeee…10 loads of laundry, 9 Windows updates, 8 muddy paw prints, 3 days o’ raining, 2 cats a-mewing, 2 Mastiffs pooping, one mortgage payment, 30 pounds of kibble, 20 cans of cat food and Honey please decorate the tree.

On the 11th day of Christmas, my true love gave to meeee…11 WoW heroics, 10 loads of laundry, 9 Windows updates, 8 muddy paw prints, 3 days o’ raining, 2 cats a-mewing, 2 Mastiffs pooping, one mortgage payment, 30 pounds of kibble, 20 cans of cat food and Honey please decorate the tree.

On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to meeee…12 bins of ornaments, 11 WoW heroics, 10 loads of laundry, 9 Windows updates, 8 muddy paw prints, 3 days o’ raining, 2 cats a-mewing, 2 Mastiffs pooping, one mortgage payment, 30 pounds of kibble, 20 cans of cat food and Honey, please decorate the tree.

On the last day of Christmas…I fed the dogs and cats, mopped up the muddy paw prints, folded all the laundry, deleted a WoW character (85 gnomie warrior…Alliance), blew up my monitor, found my umbrella, cleaned up the yard mess resulting from of 30 pounds of kibble, paid the danged mortgage, stowed bins in storage…and put up the flippin’ fake tree.

(We need more dog food.)

Merry Christmas!

Copyright Mary Watson 2011

 
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Posted by on December 15, 2010 in and other things..., It's a Brand New Day, Muddy Pawz

 

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