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Chuckwagon

Feeding the dogs is always such an adventure when you have four English Mastiffs. I yell, “Dishes!” And they follow me as I pick up their feed bowls. Two giant-sized for growing girls, a medium for His Royal Highness, Micah and a smaller one for dainty Nala…dainty being 160 pounds.

I line up the bowls and pour in kibble, canned rabbit, warm water, all in proportionate measures to the individual’s needs, and stir as they tap-dance behind me.

Feeding order is: Micah, Pebbles and Murphy with Nala bringing up the rear, swaying her head back and forth, moaning and dancing. (SO cute!)

Dishes

Dishes

Well, the other day I wasn’t focusing and grabbed the puppies’ bowls first and started down the hall. “BOWWOWF!!!

The sound would have stopped a herd of stampeding bison, and it certainly stopped me!

Quickly, I retraced my steps, set the girls’ dishes on the counter and slipped Micah’s bowl into his food stand as he bored holes through me with an indignant stare that said, “One more slip like that and you’re out of a job, wench!”

I actually apologized to my dog. The shame. The guilt…unbearable.

Fed the other three and went slinking outside to sit with the cat, Mister Baggins whom I swear was clearing his throat and tapping his Rolex.

Alright!!! Here’s your flaked, wild-caught albacore! Just don’t LOOK at me like that!  Yeah…he gets fed before the dogs.  Cats, ya know?

Such is life at Casa de Muddy Pawz…

Copyright 2016

 
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Posted by on January 29, 2016 in Muddy Pawz

 

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Good Morning, Majesty…

MajestyThe Micah.  We also address him as “Highness”.  190 pounds of entitlement in a sparkling brindle wrapping.  Bred from some of the finest lines known to the world of English Mastiffs…and he KNOWS it.  His collar is hand-crafted of a 6th Century Roman pattern with the words, “Cave Canem” hand-tooled in leather and adorned with hand-cast silver seals with King Arthur’s pendragon sigil to honor his legendary registered name of Indigo’s Arturius’ Cafall, CGC.  “Cave Canem” was taken from a Pompeian mosaic of a mastiff circa 79 AD and is Latin for “Beware the Dog”.  This is a ruse,  His Highness is 100 percent wuss, and the epitome of a gentle giant.

Highness is suspicious of dew on the lawn and chooses the high, dry spot in the corner for his relief.  Lord only knows what might be lurking in those droplets of dew.  His greatest fear is being attacked by the dreaded chihuahua.

He awakens at 6 a.m., having shoved Mommy onto the floor at 3 from his king bed and having lost the battle for territorial bed rights to Daddy, who clung, white-knuckled, to the edge of the mattress and pushed back with his backside.  As we sit bleary-eyed and sleep-deprived on the patio, Highness stumbles from bed, shuffles down the hall, through the living and dining area to the doggie door…and barks.  You see, he learned early on that the doggie door is actually a wormhole that leads to an alternate universe…never to be broached.  I put down my iPad, glance at my husband who is soaking his mustache in his coffee cup, teetering in his chair, eyes closed. I open the door for his Highness who drags himself to his raised bed and drops onto it with a “whumph”.  I know…I should have carried him.  Poor, furry child.  He is already fast asleep.

Having been gently awoken by singing birds and a slight breeze, he checks his view of Camelback Mountain, finds his spot in “poo corner” and returns to the doggy door.  Now it IS actually possible to cross back into the house from the outside, as the wormhole only goes one way…but only if the interior is well-lit, his staff is inside calling his name and a chilled organic carrot awaits him on the other side.  It’s really much easier to just stare at the damned thing and bark again.  “Yes, Highness.  Coming, Highness!”

Daddy leaves for work and Mommy prepares his breakfast of canned rabbit with organ meat, organic coconut oil, probiotics, digestive enzymes, dermal enzymes, chicken and chickpea grain-free kibble and three chewy glucosamine mini-bones, followed by a fresh 2-quart bowl of water.  When the last bite of kibble has vanished, Highness stands, staring at the vacant bowl as if someone took his popsicle away.  “Micah, would you like to “Hoover”?”  He takes a step back as Mommy moves his raised food stand over 18″,to the right, allowing him to “Hoover” any bits that may have dropped from his jowls onto the woven rug beneath.  In the event that his Highness returns to the bowl, staring at its shiny stainless bottom, one must ask, “Micah, do you need littlebitmore?”  He steps back again with anticipation as Mommy retrieves two more tablespoons of kibble, dropping them into said bowl one by one (so the plinking sound may be duly observed).  He returns to the bowl for his “dessert” and then raises his head in gratitude with three 14″ strings of drool hanging from his chops.  “Please, Mummy…dry my chin…if you would be so kind.”  I retrieve a sterilized white cotton towel from “the drool bucket”, dampen it with warm water and wash the kibble from his face, ears, shoulders, chest, paws, forelegs, the top of his head, his collar…and mop the floor.

His highness will now have “first nap” as he digests on the woven area rug by the open french doors with a gentle breeze drying his face.

His Majesty’s day has begun.

 
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Posted by on May 30, 2013 in Muddy Pawz

 

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A Muddy Pawz Christmas Carol

On the first day of Christmas, my true love said to me…”Honey, please decorate the tree.”

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to meeee… 20 cans of cat food and Honey, please decorate the tree.

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to meeee…30 pounds of kibble, 20 cans of cat food and Honey, please decorate the tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to meee…one mortgage payment, 30 pounds of kibble, 20 cans of cat food and Honey, please decorate the tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…2 Mastiffs pooping, one mortgage payment, 30 pounds of kibble, 20 cans of cat food and Honey, please decorate the tree.

On the 6th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…2 cats a-mewing, 2 Mastiffs pooping, one mortgage payment, 30 pounds of kibble, 20 cans of cat food and Honey, please decorate the tree.

On the 7th day of Christmas, my true love gave to meee…3 days o’ raining, 2 cats a-mewing, 2 Mastiffs pooping, one mortgage payment, 30 pounds of kibble, 20 cans of cat food and Honey, please decorate the tree.

On the 8th day of Christmas, my true love gave to meeee…8 muddy paw prints, 3 days o’ raining, 2 cats a-mewing, 2 Mastiffs pooping, one mortgage payment, 30 pounds of kibble, 20 cans of cat food and Honey, please decorate the tree

On the 9th day of Christmas, my true love gave to meeee…9 Windows updates, 8 muddy paw prints, 3 days o’ raining, 2 cats a-mewing, 2 Mastiffs pooping, one mortgage payment, 30 pounds of kibble, 20 cans of cat food and Honey, please decorate the tree.

On the 10th day of Christmas, my true love gave to meeee…10 loads of laundry, 9 Windows updates, 8 muddy paw prints, 3 days o’ raining, 2 cats a-mewing, 2 Mastiffs pooping, one mortgage payment, 30 pounds of kibble, 20 cans of cat food and Honey please decorate the tree.

On the 11th day of Christmas, my true love gave to meeee…11 WoW heroics, 10 loads of laundry, 9 Windows updates, 8 muddy paw prints, 3 days o’ raining, 2 cats a-mewing, 2 Mastiffs pooping, one mortgage payment, 30 pounds of kibble, 20 cans of cat food and Honey please decorate the tree.

On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to meeee…12 bins of ornaments, 11 WoW heroics, 10 loads of laundry, 9 Windows updates, 8 muddy paw prints, 3 days o’ raining, 2 cats a-mewing, 2 Mastiffs pooping, one mortgage payment, 30 pounds of kibble, 20 cans of cat food and Honey, please decorate the tree.

On the last day of Christmas…I fed the dogs and cats, mopped up the muddy paw prints, folded all the laundry, deleted a WoW character (85 gnomie warrior…Alliance), blew up my monitor, found my umbrella, cleaned up the yard mess resulting from of 30 pounds of kibble, paid the danged mortgage, stowed bins in storage…and put up the flippin’ fake tree.

(We need more dog food.)

Merry Christmas!

Copyright Mary Watson 2011

 
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Posted by on December 15, 2010 in and other things..., It's a Brand New Day, Muddy Pawz

 

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